im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
