She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
