Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
