Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
