I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
