two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
