She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
