Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
