apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
