I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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