Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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