I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
