you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
