Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
