I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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