so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
