It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
