omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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