Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
