I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
