it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
