Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
