Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
