my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You smell like stripper and shame
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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