My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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