Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
dude. I can hear the air.
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