I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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