i think my mom watched the whole time
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
