Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
