Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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