Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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