I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
