Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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