Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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