1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
