Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
