I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
