The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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