Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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