yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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