Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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