I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
