he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
