just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
