Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
