i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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