The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
