No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
