Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
