Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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