Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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