Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
