Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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