Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
