You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
