I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
